Insomnia

،رات گئے

پہلے جب آنکھ کھلتی تھی

تو بیتے خواب کے سورج سے چندھیای ہوتی تھی

واپس خواب نگر جانے کی ضد کرتی تھی

اس واپسی کے امکان کی مٹھاس

سردی میں دودھ جلیبی کے سی تھی

اس سال

دودھ پھٹ گیا ہے

!ملاو Melatonin اس میں

(Melatonin is a hormone regulating sleep)

Boredom

I had never met anybody who had seen ‘it’. People said ‘it’ could not be seen.

But there it was, stark naked.

I did not lose my consciousness. My senses did not sway. It did not take me herculean strength. I had not Sherlock’s wit either, but it didn’t come easy too.

It was everything but what they had said. It was neither sweet like honey, nor poisonous or  pungent. I felt no breeze of air, gush of wind, or rustling of trees. No songs erupted and no dance was danced. The sky did not turn red, and my shackles did not break.

It was not sexier than sex, and not ‘winier’ than wine. It evaded all classification of beauty and depravity. It was not deeper than her eyes, cherrier than her lips.

It was not heavier than mercury and not lighter than angels.

My heart! O how I had feared for it. It did not burst. No ecstasy, no eruption.

It paid neither attention to the glowing nova’s light, nor any heed to the dark matter engulfing it.

No thrones were abdicated and no governments overthrown. No power gained nor honor lost. Time did not stand still and the past was not fused with the future.

It……………………..was so boring. 

Identity Crisis

"It sounds ominous but I find myself attracted towards the good things-positive things" said the old devil.
"It doesn't sound ominous to me" the piety remarked calmly.
"Well,it's not you who's being devoured by it" grunted the devil in misery.

آنسوؤں کا سفر

!ہچکی
!اضطراب
!انگلیوں کے ناخن ،ہتھیلی پر گڑھنے   کا احساس
!لبوں کی کپکپاہٹ
!پہلے کبھی نہ سنائی دینے والی دھڑکن
!ہچکی
!قدموں کی آہٹ
!آہٹ
!ماتھے پر پسینے کی بوندیں
!ہچکی
!دور جاتی ہوئی آوازیں
!...آوازیں
!دھندلائی ہوئی شبہیہیں
 بیٹا ؟
بیٹی ؟
!ہچکی
!گھٹن کا احساس
!٧٠ سالہ زندگی
!ایک ایک ساعت
!واقعیات
!مرنے کا احساس جھٹکنا
!ہچکی
!حالات کے واضح اشارات
!حقیقت سے چشم پوشی
!درد کی لہر
!پیاس کا احساس
!پانی
!پانی
!پانی کی مہلت کی طلب
!صدیوں کی پیاس !اضطراب
!لبوں سے گالوں تک پانی کا سفر
!پانی کا ذائقہ
آخری بار ؟
!بڑے گھونٹ
!ذائقہ محفوظ کرنے کی تگ و دو
!ہچکی
!تپتا ہوا چہرہ
!-درد ،گھٹن ملال
!آنکھیں بھر آنا
!ہچکی
"میں مر رہا ہوں "
!خوف
!فراق
دنیا ؟
!قبر
رشتے ؟
بیٹا ؟
بیٹی ؟
!بچپن
!بڑھاپا
!جوانی
!موت
!پانی
!گھٹن
!مدھم آوازیں
احساس سے عاری ہونے کی پیش گوئی
!بوندیں !
!ملال
!ملال
!ملال
!ملال
!ملال
!حیف زندگی
!آہ
!آنکھوں کے کنارے گیلے
!ہچکی
!پانی کا ذائقہ ؟ نہیں ! کڑواہٹ
!پتھرائی ہوئی آنکھیں
!چھنے ہوۓ احساسات
!آنکھوں کے کناروں سے آنسوں کا مردہ چہرے پر سفر
!شہتیر
!لاش
!غسل
!گالوں پر سوکھے ہوۓ آنسوں
!اب غسل کے پانی سے مل کر کسی نالے میں بہتے ہیں 

Death-An ultimate Truth

After throwing off my course book for the third time,I automatically started thinking about death.Realities of life are harsh and ugly,there isn't any way to euphemize them,as they are happening in real time.They're not a delayed version from the nib of writer or painter. Death of any creature isn't any captivating process which you would like to observe.Consider,for example,a kitten is dying for the reasons unknown to you,he's in front of you,swaying his head in anguish,squeaking, looking at you for help.He's reacting so vigorously because he knows that in a few minutes he wouldn't be a part of this recreational train.He would lay lifeless without the 'knowledge of him being lifeless'.He would just vanish.
Consider  that there's no life after death.This mean you won't have any idea of you being dead. You won't be here to savour the tastes of life.You would just decompose just as a dead dog along the road.It's a horrifying idea yet all the biological and logical evidence support this theory. There's not a speck of evidence which suggests other way around.
Why Death is an ultimate truth?Because it's end of mysteries told to us which we couldn't confirm.It's not that when you're dead you can confirm these mysteries but it's like a dead dog along the road getting hit by cars -they no longer matter to you.
I often think how and why concept of life after death came into being..May be the simplicity or horrific nature of death inhibits us, the spared living beings, to believe in this idea. May be because of that the simple concept of death has been replaced by a complex myth of life after death just because it gives you hope.Our tendency to get hope against illogical myths or fairy tales proved detrimental to human race.I feel betrayed and manipulated by our clever fellows. I am sure my fellows who plunged to dark hole in hope of tunnel would have felt the same,except that they couldn't feel after that. It's interesting to observe that early men would have true realization of death but when first death occurred among them,it made them sad.The harsh reality of it made them to evade it.The same fear was exploited by kings,priests,governments to achieve their purposes and it's still in process.I wonder how many of us would get into fight or how many suicides would happen if we didn't believe in life after death.

Death is an ultimate truth because it probably had resolved the confusion of followers of idealism when it embraced them.People who perceive all the things we see as an idea in their minds-objects,people around them.When death attacked them they were not taken off from any machine by some scientists at any other planet or universe didn't collapse with their minds,it probably left them astounded,except that they couldn't feel anything owing to death of their senses and themselves.

تنہأی

میرے کانوں میں رس گھولو

یہ شور ختم کرو

مجھے خامشی سناؤ

مجھے حسن دکھاؤ

جھیل پر

ارتعاش تو ہے

باطن میں صدف نہیں

مجھے بھوک دو

روزہ لگاؤ۔

یہ ذاءقے،

یہ پکوان،

یہ پاستے،

یہ شنواریاں،

یہ معجون،

میری بھوک

نہیں مٹاتے

مجھے اور دو

مجھے نہ دو

تنہأی دو

اِن جھرنوں چشموں نالوں میں

اِن کرن پھٹتے دھؤوں میں

اِن چناروں چیڑوں سفیدوں میں

اِن کاگاؤں میناؤں چیلوں میں

اِن لؤوں بادوں ہواؤں میں

اِن ہلال شمس تاروں میں

اِن سنّاٹوں میں

میں پھٹ جاتا ہوں

مجھے تنہأی دو

Hg Block

Hg Block

Why, everyday is so monotonous?

And I have a solid Hg block on me when I wake up    //(Hg has high density)

How do I muster the strength to lift it?

Put on my slippers

And splash water on my face.

Why does that Hg block,

Makes me feel like I'm a pregnant lady?

Carrying the burden of a neutron star inside me

A block that becomes entangled to my tongue,

When I'm about to question, argue,

Utter a word of truth, joy, love or laughter

How do I loiter with this Hg block within me?

Perhaps that's why I drag my feet, and my words slip, and my convo cuts randomly  //(convo:conversation)

Where doth this Hg block come from?

When I open the book,

Hear a tune

See a girl

Hear the Azan.

How come I'm tied to the Hg block?

How can I make it flow?

Oh, that's why I've become cold too   //Hg has melting point of -38 centigrade, I just realised while writing it,         I was imagining the solid Hg at room temperature

the pregnant lady

giving birth to cold,solid Hg

I need fire.

Only if it does not turn to ashes,

its fuel crushed,

everytime

by a cold,solid,Hg block